I am good friends with an extremely talented creative whose main hustle is OnlyFans. When a cursory google reveals ten years of naked pictures of her, she has to think of ingenious ways to get people to financially commit. And what she ends up selling is the sense of being closer to her. For me, I found that the absolute quickest way to get strangers to subscribe here was either to write the words “Blake Lively” or to invite readers to diagnose me as a subscriber perk. If you scroll back you’ll see people telling me what the hell my problem is. Because I asked them. A personality disorder? Autism spectrum? ADHD? I allowed a tiny ice cream shoppe spoon of each possibility to sit on my tongue whilst I tasted what felt most accurate.
Who doesn’t want to walk up, uninvited, to someone they’ve been watching act out in public and ask “Excuse me, have you ever been tested for…” Do I diffuse or maybe satirise this very human urge we all have by offering my permission?
I haven’t written here for a fortnight, and to my paying subscribers, I feel terrible about that. But I’ve also been genuinely under the weather in a way I’ve not felt before. And so I present for you, my true believers, the sequel to ‘diagnose my mental health’: Diagnose My Physical Malady!
Are you ready?
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